Living Us

She’s been with me all my life, but no one believed me. Until now.

When I was little, my parents thought I was crazy. For a while they thought it was cute, having an imaginary friend. I insisted that she was real, that I could hear her voice, clear as my own. She didn’t have a name, so I named her Hannah. She was my best friend.

They stopped thinking it was cute as I got older. They made me see a doctor. I didn’t like him, and I didn’t like the way the drugs they gave me made me feel. Neither did Hannah. So I lied. I told them I couldn’t hear her anymore.

I always had a little bit of a paunch growing up. My belly would flutter and tickle and make me giggle. It felt strange, but good. I asked Hannah where she was. She said she lived someplace dark and damp, but it was warm and comfortable, and she could hear this constant thump- thump. She could hear my voice when I talked to other people, but it sounded different than it sounded in her head, like I was underwater. She liked hearing my voice and she liked hearing the thump-thump. It made her feel safe.

I got older. So did Hannah. She couldn’t see them, she couldn’t see anything, but she could feel them on her chest, growing above the long cord that was attached to her belly. my belly kept on getting bigger. The fluttering was stronger too, and I could feel something pressing against my skin from the inside sometimes. I asked Hannah about it. 

That’s when we figured it out. When she stretched out her arms and legs, I’d feel it, the pressure in my belly. Hannah lived inside me. I told her I was glad, that she was my best friend, that I loved her more than anyone. She told me that she loved me too. I wanted us to be together forever.

Mom took me to the doctor again. She demanded to know who did this to me. I didn’t know what she was talking about. She told me I was pregnant. That made sense. But, I didn’t tell her about Hannah, because I didn’t want her to think I was crazy and I didn’t want to take the pills again.

She took me to get an ultrasound. The jelly felt weird, and Hannah said she heard a weird noise when the technician put the stick on my belly. She freaked out when she saw Hannah, probably because she didn’t look like a regular baby. She looked like me, like a regular fourteen-year-old girl, only tiny.

They called it “fetus in fetu” syndrome. Hannah was my twin sister, but instead of growing inside my mother, she wound up in my womb instead. I’d been pregnant my whole life, only no one knew it until now because she was so small. No one knew why she was so small, she just was.

The doctors wanted to terminate my pregnancy. I refused. I loved Hannah more than anything, more than life itself, and I would sooner die than let them take her away from me. Mom took me home, and she asked me about Hannah for the first time in years. Hannah knew everything I did. I asked her if she wanted to talk to Mom. Hannah told me that I was her real mom. I started to cry, but I wasn’t sad.

We continued to grow together. By the time I was eighteen, I looked like I was pregnant with twins. It was a little uncomfortable sometimes, especially when Hannah stretched or kicked, but I didn’t mind. I got regular ultrasounds to monitor my condition. She was still my miniature doppelganger in every way, save for her flat stomach and the umbilical cord connected to it. She is so beautiful. She’s my best friend, my sister, my daughter, my soul mate. I love her so much, in every possible way.

We learned how to be intimate. I’d touch myself, and she’d feel it. She’d touch herself, and I’d feel it. She’d touch me, and we’d both feel it. This is how we made love, and we did so as often as possible. We never thought for a moment was wrong. Sure, we were related, the same in so many ways, but we were also different. Special.

As we got older, our connection grew stronger. When I closed my eyes, I could feel myself surrounded by the warm inviting flesh of my own womb. When Hannah closed her eyes, she could see the world through mine.

My doctors keep asking to induce me, but neither of us want that. As big as I am now, I’ve never even felt a single contraction. As much as I would hate for her to leave me, to be alone and empty, I’d give birth to her if she asked me to. I asked her if that was what she wanted. She told me I already knew the answer. Not now, not ever.

We share dreams sometimes. Face to face, like looking in the mirror, twins, lovers, unsure where one of us begin and the other ends. Some we make love in our womb, blind, enraptured in sensation, certain that there is nothing that separates us.

We’re both grown women now, more or less. Hannah leaves me swollen and heavy, a perpetual fertility goddess. I can feel her every movement, every time she shifts and twists inside me, every time she laughs, every time she brushes the walls of my womb with a loving caress.

I know we’ll be together for the rest of our lives. I don’t know how long that will be, how long I can sustain this bizarre pregnancy until my body gives out. But I am known and wanted and loved in a way no woman ever was before. 

Together, we are complete.

In the womb part 3 (End)

By now, it was near the end of summer and Risa was feeling it. Her belly, though not as big as she feared it would be, was still colossal, settling around a “due with twins” size. Her belly button stood out proudly like a popped oven timer, poking out through whatever shirt or dress she was wearing to advertise her condition. Not that anyone needed it to tell; the roundness of her belly was distinctive and so was the waddling gait that was her walk.

Risa ran an affectionate hand over her belly, smiling a content, indulgent smile. She knew from all her research that she had been lucky in her Squig hosting; Cocoa was not only small but extremely intelligent and thoughtful. She had not even been born yet, but she knew that the strong movements of her tentacles caused a commotion when they were around strangers and that the attention was not usually good. Her Squig also knew the difference between people’s voices and had preferences for certain people, although Risa took care never to admit it. 

She wasn’t sure when she had transitioned from thinking about Cocoa as “it” to “her”. The name lent itself to a female, but Cocoa was technically a hermaphrodite and not really completely one or the other. Still, words like “her” and “she” kept popping into Risa’s vocabulary and thoughts, and they both were content with that. Besides, boys tended to be trouble makers, at least all the boys in Risa’s experiences (with the exception of Alec), and her girl was too well behaved and too considerate to be anything but feminine.

“It’s okay if you’re hungry, sweetie,” Risa mused softly, sinking as gently as she could into the waiting cushions of her couch. By now, her belly was so swollen and cumbersome that she was at home full time, at least for a few weeks. Her doctor insisted that her birth would not be far away now, but Squig pregnancies had even more unexpected due dates than human births, so Cocoa might surprise them both and stay in longer than she should.

“You know I always have some in the house for you,” Risa continued, reaching for the bag on the table next to her couch. She popped a couple of chocolate covered raisins into her mouth and chewed slowly, savoring the taste. The whole chocolate thing was still a bit of a mystery to Risa; she still kind of hated it, but the euphoria she felt when eating it kept her from swearing it off again. She knew that it was actually Cocoa who liked it, and until she gave birth, Risa couldn’t deny her the most favorite of her treats. It was the one thing Cocoa regularly asked for and Risa couldn’t in good conscience say no.

Risa leaned back and laid her head on the back edge of the couch, placing the chocolate covered raisin bag on her belly and rubbing below it. Cocoa shifted lazily inside her womb, a sign that always meant she was grateful and content. Risa herself was tired (being so pregnant was hard work) and she closed her eyes, letting Cocoa’s calm and soothingly happy feelings wash over her.

Somewhere in her kitchen, Megan’s laughter broke the silence and her content euphoric moment. Risa opened one eye but somehow managed not to glare at her friend too much.

“I’m sorry, but the look on your face,” Megan told her. “You look so done.”

Risa sighed, looking down at the humungous mound in her lap. Underneath her sundress, it was all Squig, every firm, squirming, quivering inch of it. Her hand looked so small as it rubbed the surface, dwarfed by the fecundity below.

“That’s because I kinda am,” she answered. “I mean, I know Cocoa will spend a lot of time in there after she is born, but I am ready to give birth and take a break.” She braced both hands on the couch and shifted her position to something more comfortable. Her belly wobbled awkwardly, not really moving with her but because of her, too heavy to be in sync with her body. Once she was settled, Cocoa wriggled into a new position herself before calming back down and easing into a napping state. 

“She’s so big,” Risa commented softly, now using both hands to rub her swollen abdomen. Sometimes, Cocoa gave a weird, quivering sensation which reminded Risa almost of a purring cat. It was not quite the same but she was pretty sure the sentiment was similar. Beneath her hands, Cocoa was falling into a deeper sleep, sedated by the chocolate and the rhythmic movement of her host’s hands. 

Risa herself wanted a nap too, but Megan was here cleaning her apartment and she didn’t want to be rude. It had become a routine of sorts for both women; Megan would come over every other night, cook and clean and generally make a fuss. A year ago, Risa would have thrown her friend out for meddling with her daily routine, but right now she felt too pregnant and too tired to care. And she couldn’t help but remember that shopping trip a couple months back. If Megan had decided that cleaning Risa’s apartment for her was the best way to vent her maternal instincts, Risa was going to let her do it.

“I’m excited for the birth, but I think I’ll also be sad. I can’t explain it.”

“I think a lot of mothers feel that way. It’s that maternal instinct thing. It doesn’t matter if Cocoa is a Squig; she was still dependent on you the same way a human fetus would be,” Megan said, moving to a different spot. “By the way, I finally found out why Alec already knew about the Squigs when you first told us about Cocoa.”

When Risa didn’t respond, Megan looked up from the floor she had been sweeping and walked over to the couch. Her pregnant friend blinked sleepily, obviously trying to stay awake.

“Hey. Go to sleep if you need to,” Megan reassured her gently, slowly taking the bag of raisins off her belly and putting them back on the small side table. “I’m going to keep cleaning and then I’ll make you some dinner for when you wake up.”

“Thank you,” Risa whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Megan placed a hand on one of Risa’s, pressing it gently to the surface of her belly. “Naps are too good to pass up.” She stayed there until Risa’s eyes closed and her face relaxed completely before resuming her work.

*****

The Squig was finally done. Its adult form was finally complete and at the proper weight to survive outside of its host. Although its cognitive development would continue once it was born, it was at a stage where a variety of interactive stimuli was needed to further the process, much more than it could get inside of Risa.

The adult Squig now had nine fully formed appendages, including the umbilical tentacle that connected it to the host. Most of them were for motion, but two of them were for reproduction and would probably stay retracted with its umbilical tentacle until needed. All three of its eyes were fully functional and opened, and all of its internal organs were mature.

Instinctively, the Squig began systematically testing its host before starting the birth process. It needed to make sure that Risa was ready to be its permanent host before it left. If the process wasn’t complete, then rejoining the host would be more difficult, and sometimes that led to rejection.

Rejection at this stage wouldn’t kill the Squig like it would have at the larval stage, but Cocoa’s mind was intelligent enough to fear rejection on an emotional level. It loved its host. It couldn’t imagine its life without her. Rejection wouldn’t be a death warrant, but Cocoa would be sad and lonely for the rest of its life.

Testing the host’s new changes was a slow, but necessary process. Cocoa knew that Risa’s skin was now permanently stretchy and springy; she would never get stretch marks no matter how much her womb was filled. It was the uterine and cervical muscles that needed to be tested.

At least the tests were… pleasant. The process was designed to associate birthing contractions and pressure as pleasurable experiences. There would still be some pain associated, but on the whole, the host should be made to feel comfortable with (and in some cases enjoy) birthing or rehosting the Squig companion on a regular basis. 

Finally, the instincts of the Squig signaled that both the Risa and Cocoa were ready. It was time to be born.

*****

Risa sat up in her bed, exhausted and slightly sore but also filled with an anxious anticipation. For two days she had been plagued with waves of intense moments of mixed pain and sexual pleasure. She had been feeling similar twinges for weeks, but the doctor had likened them to Braxton Hicks contractions rather than the real deal. She had thought that her recent feelings were just more intense versions of those until yesterday, when the waves began to be accompanied by building and building pressure.

She hadn’t told anyone that she was in labor. Somehow, she had been able to hide it from Megan when she had come over to cook and clean for her the day before. Her labor had gotten more intense last night after Megan had left, and Risa was grateful that her body had waited. She had known for some time that she had wanted to give birth alone, especially once she realized that it might not proceed like a human birth.

The labor itself hadn’t been as orgasmic as some of the other Squig hosts had led her to believe, but it wasn’t painful like normal birth either. There had been overwhelming pressure and an incredible desire to push, but the contractions themselves had almost driven Risa to a sexual frenzy. It was not that the arousal was as intense as the pressure, but it was just as constant, and the large boulder that was her belly prevented her from reaching her groin to properly alleviate the feeling.

She had both been prepared and unprepared for Cocoa to help with that. As soon as the Squig was able, she tentively slipped the tip of a tentacle out of Risa to reach where her fingers couldn’t reach. Risa had known it would happen, but the feeling of it surprised her so much that they were both momentarily overcome with panic. After a long minute or two, Risa relaxed, Cocoa slowly reached out again, and soon Risa was feeling too good to worry that she was being pleasured by something sticking out of her own womb.

After that, the birth was a long blur of mixed pain and pleasure. Risa, even so soon after it, couldn’t recall much of anything but pushing, and then a final feeling of being empty.

Now, at almost 7:30 am, Risa looked down at the creature she had held and nourished in her womb for so long, covered in amniotic slime and glistening in the early morning sun. It was writhing its many tentacles between her legs, all just as dark as the day she had found it on her way home from class. It was bigger than she’d thought it would be, and her tired mind wondered briefly how she had fit it all inside her for so long. She could see no eyes, but she got the distinct impression that the Squig was just as tired as she was.

Risa clumsily reached down and sluggishly pulled the Squig out from between her legs and up to her chest. Together, they laid back against the bed, exhausted, and slept.

Three hours later, Risa woke again when she felt something shifting against her chest and neck. She opened her eyes and found a large, inhuman, golden eye staring back at her. She studied it for a moment, noticing that the oval iris was ringed with an intense green.

Risa pulled back and sat up slowly, not wanting to startle the creature she was sharing her bed with. The Squig was no longer completely black; each tentacle was edged in a flexible fringe that was just as gold as the eye, with the very tips the same intense green. Almost all of them were wrapped around her chest and arms, except for one that still lingered between her legs. As she looked the Squig over, she noticed that it had two more eyes that were less than half the size of the main one, but with the same color scheme. The whole effect was so beautiful, especially in the sunlight, that Risa felt herself tearing up.

“Hi Cocoa,” she whispered softly, overcome with joy and unable to say anything else. 

In her arms, the Squig quivered and let out a small trilling chirp before blinking at her affectionately.

In the womb part 2

“Can I feel it?” Trish asked, staring at Risa’s belly. She wasn’t the only one. Almost all of the students assigned to her project were here, plus Trish and they were all staring at Risa and her belly. She was not exactly comfortable telling them all in one lump sum like this, but she wasn’t sure she would have had the endurance to tell them all individually. Risa probably would not even have told them at all, but the ever warming weather was making it necessary. There was no way she could have hidden her growing belly for that long.

Especially since she was pretty sure it was going to be a permanent fixture on her body, at least for as long as the Squig was alive. The climate here was too cold for the Squig to live on its own in the wild, and Risa was not sure she could handle giving it up to someone else to host. It was possible, especially if the new host had hosted before, but...

“Sure,” Risa said. She unzipped her hoodie and then gently lifted up her shirt, exposing her bare skin. Her belly was a sight to behold, at least on Risa’s body. It stood out proudly from her slim frame, round and obviously not belly fat. At a few days over 19 weeks pregnant, Risa looked like she was a few more weeks along, but everyone in her Squig support group still kept telling her that she was smaller than normal. Doctor Andrews told her not to worry though; the stunted growth did not seem to be significant at this point. She was putting on weight on a normal, healthy schedule, on trend with a normal Squig pregnancy. Both of them theorized that her Squig’s size was probably due to its condition when she had been taken as a host. 

Trish pressed a hand to the dome that had formed in her abdomen. Beneath it, the Squig wriggled as if it was trying to show off. The movements weren’t strong enough to be seen on the outside, but Risa knew that Trish could feel her womb quivering from the ripples being caused inside.

“Does it hurt?” Sam asked. 

Unlike when she revealed her pregnancy to her friends, this conversation with her classmates had gone almost exactly as planned. They were scientists, biology students, and approached the news differently. All four of them had been fascinated and supportive right away, especially once the other three realized that Trish was so excited.

“No,” Risa said, smiling up at him. Next to him, Greg and Paula gave understanding nods. It was a lot for them to take in, but all three of them seemed to be doing ok.

“I’m told it’s just like having a human baby. All the symptoms are the same. The Squig just tends to be more active.” Trish pulled her hand away and Risa rubbed the top of her belly gently. “So far, all I feel is really fat.” Greg made a snorting sound and Risa added, “Fat for me, anyway.”

“When do you give birth?”

“I honestly don’t know. I haven’t discussed it with my doctor yet.”

“What are you going to call him?” Trish asked, taking her hand away.

“It could be a girl, you know,” Paula pointed out.

“Actually, Squigs are hermaphroditic,” Risa said. She ran her fingers over her belly again. “And I’ve kinda been toying with ‘Cocoa’.”

“Cocoa,” Sam repeated. All four of them made faces, obviously not approving.

“This is my Squig we’re talking about,” she said, pulling down her shirt and feeling a little bit defensive. Even if it wasn’t exactly her baby, the Squig was her responsibility. She was the one taking care of it, in her body, and all the time. No breaks. It wasn’t as if she could pass it off on someone else for a night or two. Not that she’d want to. 

It didn’t really make a difference what they thought anyway; Risa had been calling it “Cocoa” for over a week now. The name fit; the Squig was a chocolate nut, obviously. And they weren’t the ones who were going to have to live with it and take care of it once it was outside of her body. It wasn’t their Squig.

She repressed the urge to say just that. She could tell that she was having a minor mood swing and that wasn’t their fault.

It still wasn’t their Squig though.

“It sounds like something you would name your dog,” Greg said.

Before Risa could say anything, Paula reached up and smacked him on the back of the head. “Come on, we have stuff to do.”

Risa watched them go, fighting the urge to cry. It was just a mood swing, but she still felt sad. Her Squig wasn’t a dog. She wasn’t growing a dog inside of her. Not that there was anything wrong with dogs in general, but her Squig wasn’t one. 

“Hey, the name isn’t that bad.” Risa looked over at Trish, who still sat in front of her. She reached out and placed her hand on Risa’s belly again, rubbing back and forth slowly. Risa was offended for a split second (Trish hadn’t asked to touch her again) but the movement felt comforting, and so all she did was place one of her hands over Trish’s.

“I mean, it’s not something I would have chosen, but if that’s what you want, don’t let Greg convince you otherwise.”

“I know,” Risa answered, rubbing the corner of one of her eyes. “It’s just hormones.”

“Why ‘Cocoa’, if you don’t mind my asking?” 

Risa smiled, looking down at her belly. The Squig shifted again, as if encouraging her, so she opened her mouth to explain.

******

The Squig continued to grow, stretching out its limbs and refining its organ systems. Technically, its body was fully formed, but it could not survive without its host as yet. Its organs, though complete, were not functional and needed time to mature. Its body frame was still not strong enough to support its own weight. It needed time to bulk up and strengthen.

Its nervous system was starting to experience and process sensory data from outside of the womb. It knew the sound of its host’s voice and was starting to recognize individual sounds. It flexed its mouth, trying to imitate what it could hear, but its vocal cords were not strong enough yet. 

That didn’t mean that its host didn’t know when it was trying to communicate. It soon learned that different movements would cause the host to make different sounds in response and that certain sounds also were meant to invoke different responses from the Squig itself. It knew how to convey the meaning of “yes” and “no”, and slightly more complex ideas like “hungry”.

It was also learning the meaning of emotion. It was beginning to understand the differences between things like “happy” and “sad”. The Squig preferred the feeling of happy. It preferred it when its host was feeling happy too. 

Happy was good.

*****

“What?” Megan asked, trying not to laugh.

“Nothing. I’m just feeling happy, that’s all,” Risa said, picking up a pink top. 

Megan had to admit that “happy” was exactly how Risa looked. She was positively glowing and it wasn’t just from her pregnancy. Risa looked content and blissful.

A small wave of jealousy washed through her, but she pushed it down. It wasn’t Risa’s fault.

“Happy to be clothes shopping?” she teased instead. “Can’t wait to get into clothes that fit?”

Risa beamed at her, her blue eyes shining. Since she had finally confessed her pregnancy to her friends, it seemed that her body had decided blossom, as if it had been holding its growth back to hide itself. She looked as if she was about six months along, but Megan knew there was no way she had been pregnant for six months yet. And Risa kept insisting that she was supposed to be even bigger!

Megan tried not to stare at the swell of Risa’s stomach. The thin hoodie and the shirt beneath stood no chance against firm dome and almost nothing was left up to the imagination. That was why they were here; Risa wanted something a little bit more discreet and with plenty of room to allow her to grow.

It was hard. Megan could have almost sworn she saw the Squig inside of Risa move, even from a few feet away. Her belly seemed to jiggle and then contort slightly before settling back into its normal shape. 

“Not pink then,” Risa said softly, putting the shirt back and placing a hand right beside her belly button. It poked out a tiny bump of its own in her hoodie, not to be outdone by the huge swollen expanse it resided upon. It was just another reason they were shopping for clothes; it was just too visible for a relatively modest girl like Risa. Pregnancy was agreeing with her, obviously, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to keep it relatively private.

Especially since the baby was not human. And from her conversations with her friend, Megan knew that it was only going to become more obvious as the Squig within Risa grew bigger and stronger. She had done some research on their species herself, and Megan had seen videos of full term Squig bellies. The movements were massive and impossible to hide. 

For now though, Risa was at a smaller, more convenient stage. Megan secretly eyed her as she picked up another shirt, this time in a brown color. She wanted badly to study Risa’s belly up close, to see the movements for herself, but it would not have been at all proper.

Most of all though, she wished she could feel them from the inside.

She squashed down those feelings for the thousandth time. It wasn’t Risa’s fault.

It was a terrible feeling, her jealousy. And it was difficult to keep an open mind about it. Risa had something Megan wanted, so very badly, and she didn’t know it. Megan had never told her.

“Are you okay?” 

She hadn’t realized that she had been blatantly staring until Risa put her hands on Megan’s upper arms. She was so close that their bellies were almost touching…

“I’ll never have kids,” Megan said softly to herself. Or at least she meant to say it to herself.

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true,” Risa answered. “You guys have plenty of time.”

“No, I mean. I can’t have kids.”

They both stood there in stunned silence for a moment.

“Are you sure?”

Megan only nodded and tentatively placed her hands on Risa’s belly. She knew that Risa hated being touched without asking, but she needed to feel it, what she wanted so much and couldn’t have.

“Is it you or him?” Risa asked, not moving away. 

“Both,” Megan answered, choking on the word. “We’ve tried in-vitro but—“ she couldn't continue speaking as a sob made its way out of her throat.

“Don’t cry! Please don’t! If you do, I will, and we’re in the store!” Risa said, her voice sounding wet. Her body was heaving, drawing in deep breaths and when Megan looked up she saw tears streaming down her friend’s face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell you like this,” Megan said, pulling away and wiping her eyes. She was so sad and there was nothing either one of them could do about it.

“There’s always adoption,” Risa offered. “Or surrogate?”

Megan shook her head. She didn’t have the heart to tell Risa that she and Alec had been planning to ask her to be their surrogate. Now, with this Squig pregnancy, she wasn’t even sure that it was an option anymore.

Adoption was still on the table, but the whole thing was still very raw for both of them. They weren’t ready for the hoops of the process just yet.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” Risa said, her voice sad. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s not your fault,” Megan said, suddenly wanting to laugh. She had been saying it to herself ever since she found out about Risa’s pregnancy. She felt both relieved and heartbroken to have said it out loud now.

“Come on, let’s find you something to wear,” she said instead, wiping her face one last time.

“But…” Risa trailed off, looking around them. She wasn’t a fool. Megan knew that she was perceptive enough to fill in all the blank spaces of their short conversation. Right now, she was looking around at all of the maternity clothes and baby items that surrounded them and she was getting ready to adjust her needs for that of her friend’s.

Megan wasn’t going to let that happen. She wasn’t jealous enough to ruin their friendship or force Risa to compromise.

“As of right now, I’m living vicariously through you. Even if it is just a Squig and not a real baby. I mean, it’s real, it’s just not—“ Megan let out a deep breath to force herself to stop babbling. “Come on. You need clothes and I need time with my best girl. Unless you want to walk around in Spandex forever.”

Risa still look dubious and concerned, but she allowed herself to be led away to another rack. And she let Megan dress her up like a doll during their time in the store and pay for their meal when they went out to eat without too much protest. Megan knew that neither one of them had forgotten her confession, but in the end, they had a nice day.

In the end, Megan felt happier than she had in a long time.

*****

“Man, I hope that I don’t get that big...” Risa said softly. She was on her Squig support website, looking at pictures of full term bellies. Some of them were massive. There was a woman named Hazel who looked absolutely gigantic, like she was pregnant with four or five human babies, and this was a normal, everyday size for her.

To be honest, it made Risa nervous. Growing increasingly larger over time was not as bad as she thought, but growing that large?

Risa looked down at herself. There was no mistaking that she was pregnant now, no matter what she was wearing. Even the baby doll tops she and Megan picked out on their shopping trip a few weeks ago were unable to completely hide the fact that she was growing another body inside her own.

Her Squig companion shifted its limbs within her, as if it could sense her apprehension. Her belly visibly changed shape as it did, growing lumpy for a moment before settling back down to smooth and round. 

She let out a sound that was half sigh and half moan. Lately, the movements had begun to feel… good. Especially when they were stronger than normal. She couldn’t pinpoint when, but recently she’d begun to flush every time it happened when she was alone.

Risa took a bite of her chocolate bar, this one gourmet dark and lemon peel, and chewed it thoughtfully, running her free hand over her belly. She placed the rest of it on the top of the swell, watching it wobble as the Squig continued to wriggle within. Seeing it happen was different than feeling it. It was like an iceberg; there was way more going on beneath the surface that she couldn’t see but that she could feel. So many squirms and quivers. 

She sat, mesmerized by her own body until a weird feeling made its way up her spine. Risa snatched the chocolate bar off her belly a split second before the Squig inside her tensed and rolled.

To say her belly contorted was a gross understatement. Everything within her shifted tremendously, the movements terribly lopsided and clumsy. It didn’t exactly hurt, but the force and the pressure made her give a little squeak. Beneath her skin, the tentacles of the Squig shifted restlessly before finally settling back into a comfortable place. There was no wriggling now, but there was a distinct jiggling feeling, like her belly was full of Jell-O.

“Are you…” she hesitated, staring down at herself, “… giggling?”

The jiggling continued and Risa couldn’t help but smile. Squigs were intelligent creatures, and her Cocoa already had a sense of humor.

“I know you like chocolate, love, but I need something real to eat. How about some pasta?” Risa asked, slowly hauling herself out of her chair. Inside of her, Cocoa wriggled in a distinctive way she knew meant “yes”. Risa smiled again and slowly made her way into the kitchen.

*****

The Squig was far enough into its development that its cognitive skills were fairly sophisticated. It knew that the sound “Cocoa” was what its host used when referring to itself. Gradually, it was absorbing relatively simple but increasingly complex ideas from the thoughts of its host. It was beginning to understand what the idea of a “name” was. And it was beginning to understand that its host was called “Risa”.

The fact that it was learning directly from the thoughts of its host was a sign that their bond would probably be permanent once Cocoa was born. The innate instincts of the Squig recognized this and its umbilical tentacle began to further deepen their connection. Soon, not only would Cocoa be able to share thoughts with Risa, but be able to reconnect their minds even after it was born.

The process of sharing thoughts had already begun. The Squig was often successfully able to convey feelings and ideas of its own through their connection without resorting to physical cues. They were simple things, mostly emotional based, like hunger or fatigue. Occasionally, a slightly more complex idea like “I’m going to move my whole body into a better position” would get through, but for now, it was mostly the Squig’s emotions that Risa would feel, if she picked up on it at all.

The cognitive changes to the host weren’t the only things triggered to the instinctual response to their deepening bond. The hormonal cocktails given off by the Squig were also setting off changes to the host’s lower body. A small amount of specialized proteins and even a minor amount of gene therapy were underway, designed to turn the host into a permanent home for Cocoa. Her skin was becoming slightly more elastic to allow for chronic stretching. The muscles and connective tissue surrounding her uterus were also being modified to allow for faster, smoother, and less painful uterine contractions and cervical opening. Squigs did not often live full time within their host, but most did like to spend time inside the womb that bore them from time to time, so these physical changes were essential to the host’s wellbeing as well as its own.

The Squig itself was almost completely formed. All that was left now was weight gain and cognitive development on its part, and the completion of the modifications to its hosts. Once they were done, it would be free to begin its adult life outside of the womb.

In the womb part 1

Risa was stuck in a conundrum. She was pregnant and the baby wasn’t human. 

She turned sideways and looked at her figure in the mirror. She was still her slim, redheaded self for the most part, except for the tiniest of bulges in her lower abdomen. With her clothes on, no one but Risa knew anything was amiss, and she was glad for it. She needed time to think and plan, and she needed to do it before people started asking questions.

Although she had briefly considered seeing if there was some way she could get out of this, the biologist in her had very quickly quashed any thoughts of killing the larval Squig residing in her uterus. If it had been detrimental to her, it would have been another story, but nothing in the research she had done so far had mentioned anything about Squig pregnancies being dangerous. In fact, they had a reputation for having an abnormally high success rate, and those that weren’t usually resulted in the death of the Squig itself, not the host. Squigs could even cause successful pregnancies in hosts who had trouble conceiving or who had suffered multiple miscarriages. It seemed that as long as the host was willing to carry it, the Squig would make it happen.

Since she’d confirmed via pregnancy test that she was indeed a host, Risa had done some further digging and eventually stumbled across a few support websites. Squigs were considered extremely rare and their dispersal was so wide that some hosts lived hundreds of miles away from any others, so a small online community had been started for hosts who were isolated and had no one to talk to. One of the forums had been started by a practicing doctor, one of the few qualified enough to be considered an expert in Squig pregnancies. Her website not only supplied a support forum for Squig hosts, but also information on doctors all over the country who had experience treating Squig pregnancies. Just finding the website made Risa feel almost one hundred percent better. It meant that if she needed help, she had multiple options.

When she wasn’t working, she spent a lot of time on the website. First time hosts like herself were always welcomed and there were plenty of veteran hosts to explain the ropes and answer any questions she may have had. She learned more about what she could expect from them than in any of the case studies she had been able to find through her university’s data bases.

So far, no one had anything negative to say about Squigs except for the usual pregnancy complaints; aching hips, aching breasts, heavy belly, ect. Risa ended up emailing the doctor for some advice and information on unsuccessful Squig pregnancies. Once the doctor had found out she was a biology student, she sent Risa links to specific databases with case studies.

Even that research didn’t make Risa any more nervous than she actually was. Many of the case studies that resulted in rejected pregnancies were because of birth defects in the host or accidental death due to outside forces. There were no cases of Squig pregnancies being purposefully aborted. They seemed to have a knack for finding hosts that were willing to carry them to term.

Risa was not an exception to this. Although she was miffed that her life had been turned on its head, she couldn’t really fault the Squig. It had been so weak when she’d found it that it probably hadn’t had another choice. She’d brought it into her home willingly. It had probably seen that as a gesture of willingness to be a host too.

The scientist in her was fascinated and eager to see the whole thing through. So was Doctor Andrews, who had started the Squig support forum. Risa lived further north than any other documented Squig hosts, and it was going to make an interesting case study, especially once the Squig was born.

“Do you mind being a case study?” Risa asked, placing both her palms on her abdomen and spreading both sets of fingers around her belly button. Her belly was firm and she could just feel the outline of the full womb beneath her skin. It was almost like someone had inserted a ball inside and filled it up with too much air or water. 

The Squig didn’t answer, but then, Risa hadn’t really expected one. It was too early to feel any sort of movement and Squigs couldn’t talk anyway.

“Stay warm, little guy. I’m not exactly happy you are in there, but you won’t have to worry about anything but growing for a while,” she told it, pulling her shirt down. 

*****

Inside of the host called Risa, the Squig was no longer being completely squished by its home. The sac it had formed was now full of fluid, giving the Squig some wiggle room. It would run out again eventually, but for now it would enjoy some space.

The buds on the Squig’s sides had elongated, forming tiny little tendrils that would eventually become appendages like the one that connected it to its host. Half a dozen of them already waved gently in the amniotic fluid, but more buds had formed, ready to join the first. Its main body was also compacting, on its way to assuming the shape of an adult Squig’s.

Inside of it, the rudimentary systems of the Squig were slowly dividing and becoming more complex. A cavity and neurological cells were being allocated for its brain, something it did not possess in the larval stage.  The beginnings of a mouth and eyes were taking shape, and a more sophisticated sensory system was being formed.

Now that it had a host and nutrients were abundant, the Squig’s body also began to manufacture pigments again, which it had abandoned during its period of starvation. The energy had been repurposed to finding a host, but now its new features began to take on the colors and hues that it should have been all along. 

The Squig basked in the bounty supplied to it by its host and continued on its development.

*****

Risa stood in the candy aisle for a moment, eying all of the chocolate presented before her. This was new territory for her, and she wasn’t sure where she should start.

By now, anyone looking closely enough could see the small swell of her belly even through her jacket. Neither her jacket nor her shirt were tight, but the belly beneath them was stubbornly round and unforgiving, refusing to be masked by mere cloth. With clothes on, most people probably just assumed that Risa was a little bit chubby around the middle. With them off, she was obviously pregnant. Her small, sixteen week sized belly stood out in stark contrast to the rest of her slim body, with little to no fat to soften the obvious fact that it was her womb that was swollen and making her abdomen bulge. 

She sent weekly reports about her weight and diet to Dr. Andrews, who advised her to add about a hundred more calories to her daily intake; she hadn’t been gaining enough weight for a girl her size and age and type of pregnancy. All the things she planned to add were healthy, of course, but she needed to start right away. Luckily, her grocery store had a delivery service, so adding anything extra to her normal shopping was no problem without a car.

However, Risa still found herself in the pharmacy down the street from her apartment, looking up and down the candy aisle. She wasn’t normally a girl who even liked sweets and hadn’t had a candy bar since high school, but she’d been thinking about chocolate for almost three days now. The temptation and urge was too great for her to ignore.

She stood there, staring at the choices. One of her hands rested on the top swell of her belly, right where the womb beneath poked out of her abdominal cavity. The other was buried in her curly red hair in frustration. There were so many choices! And she hadn’t had chocolate in so long, she wasn’t sure she remembered how it tasted. It wasn’t that Risa was a health food nut, but she remembered distinctly not liking chocolate anything, especially candy bars with caramel in them.

But the thought of eating one now made her mouth water, and she couldn’t get the feeling out of her head. Still, how did she know which ones were worth the money? 

A strange feeling emanated from within her then. It was just like everyone said it would be; a butterfly, fluttery feeling from deep within her womb. The Squig inside her moved again, so faint that if she had been walking or moving at all, she probably would have missed it.

Risa resisted the urge to pull up her shirt and just stare. This was her first time feeling anything but fatter since her belly had started growing, and it was proof that she indeed was pregnant. Pregnancy tests could give false positives and she hadn’t exactly been to see a doctor to get an ultrasound. There weren’t any in the area that she could see within a day, not without a car anyway, and she didn’t really have the money or the time to spend on travelling to see one. Until now, it had almost seemed unreal, what was happening in her body.

It was a milestone that everyone she had talked to so far had told her was one of the greatest moments she’d experience in her pregnancy and she couldn’t say it wasn’t. For the first time, she felt incredibly maternal and slightly protective of the growing life inside her, even if it had technically forced its way in there. 

But she was in a public place, so Risa settled for moving her hand closer to where she had felt the movement and turned back to the candy in front of her. She still wanted something.

In the end, she settled for two plain Hershey bars; one milk chocolate, one dark. She wasn’t sure she wanted anything with nuts in it and she was almost positive that she still wanted to stay away from caramel. Hopefully these weren’t going to be a waste of money.

*****

“Chocolate milk? Really?” Megan asked. Her husband, Alec, looked expectantly at Risa with one eyebrow raised. 

“What?” Risa asked setting down her jug. The thick taste of the milk sat on her tongue unpleasantly. The truth was, Risa hated milk and always had since she could remember, but it was good for her pregnancy. At least the chocolate helped it go down easier.

She and her two best friends sat on the edge of a fountain near her apartment building. Her town wasn’t big, but it featured a few parks and this one was the best. They often met here for lunch when they had days off and today was one of those days.

Megan and Alec were high school sweet hearts and Risa’s best and oldest friends. She had met Megan in kindergarten, Alec in middle school, and they had been inseperable ever since. She hadn’t gone through a single milestone without at least one of them and she didn’t want to be alone now. Still, she was nervous about telling them. She hadn’t told anyone, not even her own parents, that she was pregnant. If the baby had been human, it wouldn’t have been so bad, but since it wasn’t…

“You hate milk,” Alec said.

“And chocolate. I mean, I always thought you were kinda crazy for hating chocolate, but you avoid it like the plague. And now you’re drinking chocolate milk!” Megan turned slightly to exchange a slightly worried look with her husband.

Although Risa hadn’t exactly expected this kind of introduction to the topic, she was also somewhat grateful that she didn’t have to bring it up out of the blue. All her carefully made plans were thrown out the window now, but the abruptness she had anticipated was gone.

“Well, I actually kinda have to.”

“You have to drink chocolate milk?”

“Yes. No! I have to drink milk. The chocolate makes it go down easier.”

Now the worried look on their faces deepened. “Is there something wrong?” Alec asked slowly.

“I don’t have cancer or anything,” Risa assured them. “I’m pregnant.”

They both looked flabbergasted for a split second then turned their eyes down toward her middle. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh or smack them or both. Instead, she settled for blushing and taking another sip of the god awful milk. 

It would have been hilarious if she hadn’t been so nervous. It was always a joke between the three of them that Alec and Megan had very similar coloring. Both of them were black haired with pale eyes, but now they had nearly identical concerned and slightly horrified looks on their faces.

She let them scrutinize her. Winter had given way to spring, but the air was still chilly, only just pleasant enough to eat outside, so they were all bundled up in warm coats. Still, her belly had only grown bigger and it was more obvious in the position she was sitting. They had probably thought she was just gaining weight and hadn’t said anything before in respect for her privacy. 

But she knew what they were going through. Once you saw the bulge as pregnancy and not fat, it was really hard to get it out of your head. Pregnancy and belly fat were usually distinctly different (not always but usually), and they must have been kicking themselves for not putting the two and two together.

“But how?” Megan asked, finally looking back up. Alec was still staring, obviously having trouble processing. “Do you have a secret boyfriend that we don’t know about?”

“No, it’s not like that,” Risa started to say.

“You don’t sleep around and you don’t drink or party. Sperm clinic? Why would you do that? I mean, are you ready for a baby? You never mentioned anything. Oh god, you weren’t raped, were you?”

“Honey, let Ris talk,” Alec said quietly, finally looking away from Risa.

Suddenly, she felt vulnerable and exposed. There weren’t too many people walking around in the park, but she could hear kids playing on the nearby playground and the cars passing by on the street. Too many people. She didn’t want everyone in their town to know…

“Can we not do this here? I don’t want to do this here,” Risa said, standing up.

“Ris—“

“I thought it was alright if everything was normal but everything is not normal and I can’t— Can we just got back to my place? I’ll explain everything; I just don’t want to do it in public.”

“Sure,” Alec told her and stood, pulling Megan up with him.

“But—“

“Don’t,” Alec warned gently, threading his fingers in his wife’s. “We can talk about it wherever she wants to.”

The walk wasn’t long but it felt like an eternity. All three of them were silent the whole way and concentrated on walking, except for Risa, who also concentrated on getting down all the milk in her jug. Her stomach churned, all nerves now, and she resisted the urge to be sick.

Below her stomach, the Squig gestating in her womb wriggled. Its movements were no less gentle than the first time she had felt them, but they came more frequently now and she was becoming more and more aware of them. 

She brought a hand up to her belly and finished the jug in a long gulp. She hated every drop of it, but the milk wasn’t for her.

By the time they got back to the apartment, Risa was so nervous, she couldn’t open her own door. Alec took the keys from her without asking and let them all in. She was glad that he was so calm. Alec always took everything in steady manner and rarely ever panicked. Even on his wedding day, Risa had never seen him look nervous or anxious. It was probably the reason his relationship with Megan worked so well. She had a tendency to worry, and he kept her from going overboard.

Once they were all inside, Risa shed her coat like it was on fire. It would definitely leave her exposed, but she wanted it off. The extra layer felt bulky and clingy.

When it was off, she felt slightly better. She brought a hand up to her belly again and rubbed all over the swell, trying to calm her nerves. Without the coat, her belly was obvious and looked relatively huge. She was bigger than she thought she should be for eighteen weeks, but all of the other Squig hosts she talked to said that Squig pregnancies tended to be bigger than human ones. A lot bigger. Even Dr. Andrews had mentioned it and suggested that Risa was actually smaller than she should be at this point.

She turned around and caught her friends staring at her abdomen again, and she wrapped her arms around her middle in response, shielding her belly and the developing Squig inside from view.

“The baby isn’t human,” she blurted. Risa let out long breath and sat on one of the arms of her couch.

“Are you okay?” Alec said, stepping forward and reaching for her.

“I’m fine. It’s just the first time I’ve said that out loud.” She waved a hand at him, then went back to hugging her belly.

“Not human?” Megan squeaked.

“It was an accident. Well, not an accident. But I didn’t ask for it, and it’s in there now, and I’m sort of stuck with it. My doctor said I should start drinking milk because it would be good for it, and I started having weird cravings for chocolate—“ she heard herself babbling but she couldn’t stop. “So now I have it the house but I still hate caramel.”

“Ris, you aren’t making sense,” Alec said gently.

“It’s a Squig,” Risa said quietly, almost hoping that neither one of them had heard.

“Oh.”

“What?” Both women looked at Alec in shock. He stood there with his arms folded over his chest, nodding as if he understood everything.


“What the hell is a Squig?”

You know what a Squig is?”

“Yes. When did you become a host?”

Risa didn’t answer. Instead, she burst into tears. She had been keeping this all to herself for the twelve weeks or so since her conversation with Trish. Her parents had moved to another state because of work years ago and she wasn’t particularly close with anyone in her research project, even Trish, so she’d been stuck essentially all alone with no one tangible to talk to. The online support group didn’t count; they were faceless words on a computer and maybe a frozen picture or two. 

She’d been so afraid of telling her best friends and now she found out that one of them had already heard of Squigs.

“Honey, it’s okay,” she heard Alec say, but she wasn’t sure who he was talking to. Risa continued to cry, unable to keep her feelings hidden anymore and it only got worse when she felt Megan wrap her arms around her neck and pull their bodies close. So much time wasted. She could have told them weeks ago and not have to have gone through this whole weird thing by herself. 

Risa cried until she felt worn out and then began to tell them everything that had happened. It seemed so easy now and she was so grateful that she had such understanding friends. She’d had nightmares about them walking out on her forever without giving her a chance to explain, but here they were, in her apartment and listening to every word that she said. Megan even had one of her hands on Risa’s belly, rubbing gently back and forth to comfort her. 

It was working. Beneath Megan’s hand, the Squig was moving every once and awhile, alive and well. The wriggles were too weak for anyone but Risa to feel, but it was enough to let her know that nothing was wrong. Between the two of them, her oldest friend and her new companion, Risa felt reassured.

She kept nothing back and even pulled up the support website and Squig pictures for Megan. Risa didn’t get a chance to ask Alec how he knew about them but it didn’t matter. The point was that she wasn’t alone and she wasn’t going to be. They both listened and asked intelligent questions. She answered what she could. Everything was going to be fine.

*****

The Squig inside of Risa tested its new appendages again, feeling around the confines of its home. All nine of them were almost the exact length they would be when it was born, but they still had a lot of developing to do. They weren’t nearly large enough around to be of any use except here with the fluid to support them, and at least four of them were destined to be specialized for different uses. Right now, the only thing they were good for was twisting around to make tiny bubbles.

Its main body was fully compacted now into its adult shape and its eyes were also completely formed, except for the lids. They technically couldn’t see anything yet, but the foundation and the structure were there, waiting to be utilized. Its mouth had not opened either, still waiting for the inner digestive tract to finish.

Even deeper, the neurological tissues of the Squig continued to become more specialized and sophisticated. Its connection to the host deepened.  Soon, the connection would be so deep that their nervous systems would be fully intuned and develop the ability to share sensory data. That was partially up to the host, of course. The willingness to be a gestational host was one thing, but the ability required that the host be willing to become a permanent symbiotic partner. The host had to want to keep the Squig once it was born.

There was time for that though. It would receive the information from its host in time. For now, it concentrated on its development. It still had a long way to go.