In the womb part 2

“Can I feel it?” Trish asked, staring at Risa’s belly. She wasn’t the only one. Almost all of the students assigned to her project were here, plus Trish and they were all staring at Risa and her belly. She was not exactly comfortable telling them all in one lump sum like this, but she wasn’t sure she would have had the endurance to tell them all individually. Risa probably would not even have told them at all, but the ever warming weather was making it necessary. There was no way she could have hidden her growing belly for that long.

Especially since she was pretty sure it was going to be a permanent fixture on her body, at least for as long as the Squig was alive. The climate here was too cold for the Squig to live on its own in the wild, and Risa was not sure she could handle giving it up to someone else to host. It was possible, especially if the new host had hosted before, but...

“Sure,” Risa said. She unzipped her hoodie and then gently lifted up her shirt, exposing her bare skin. Her belly was a sight to behold, at least on Risa’s body. It stood out proudly from her slim frame, round and obviously not belly fat. At a few days over 19 weeks pregnant, Risa looked like she was a few more weeks along, but everyone in her Squig support group still kept telling her that she was smaller than normal. Doctor Andrews told her not to worry though; the stunted growth did not seem to be significant at this point. She was putting on weight on a normal, healthy schedule, on trend with a normal Squig pregnancy. Both of them theorized that her Squig’s size was probably due to its condition when she had been taken as a host. 

Trish pressed a hand to the dome that had formed in her abdomen. Beneath it, the Squig wriggled as if it was trying to show off. The movements weren’t strong enough to be seen on the outside, but Risa knew that Trish could feel her womb quivering from the ripples being caused inside.

“Does it hurt?” Sam asked. 

Unlike when she revealed her pregnancy to her friends, this conversation with her classmates had gone almost exactly as planned. They were scientists, biology students, and approached the news differently. All four of them had been fascinated and supportive right away, especially once the other three realized that Trish was so excited.

“No,” Risa said, smiling up at him. Next to him, Greg and Paula gave understanding nods. It was a lot for them to take in, but all three of them seemed to be doing ok.

“I’m told it’s just like having a human baby. All the symptoms are the same. The Squig just tends to be more active.” Trish pulled her hand away and Risa rubbed the top of her belly gently. “So far, all I feel is really fat.” Greg made a snorting sound and Risa added, “Fat for me, anyway.”

“When do you give birth?”

“I honestly don’t know. I haven’t discussed it with my doctor yet.”

“What are you going to call him?” Trish asked, taking her hand away.

“It could be a girl, you know,” Paula pointed out.

“Actually, Squigs are hermaphroditic,” Risa said. She ran her fingers over her belly again. “And I’ve kinda been toying with ‘Cocoa’.”

“Cocoa,” Sam repeated. All four of them made faces, obviously not approving.

“This is my Squig we’re talking about,” she said, pulling down her shirt and feeling a little bit defensive. Even if it wasn’t exactly her baby, the Squig was her responsibility. She was the one taking care of it, in her body, and all the time. No breaks. It wasn’t as if she could pass it off on someone else for a night or two. Not that she’d want to. 

It didn’t really make a difference what they thought anyway; Risa had been calling it “Cocoa” for over a week now. The name fit; the Squig was a chocolate nut, obviously. And they weren’t the ones who were going to have to live with it and take care of it once it was outside of her body. It wasn’t their Squig.

She repressed the urge to say just that. She could tell that she was having a minor mood swing and that wasn’t their fault.

It still wasn’t their Squig though.

“It sounds like something you would name your dog,” Greg said.

Before Risa could say anything, Paula reached up and smacked him on the back of the head. “Come on, we have stuff to do.”

Risa watched them go, fighting the urge to cry. It was just a mood swing, but she still felt sad. Her Squig wasn’t a dog. She wasn’t growing a dog inside of her. Not that there was anything wrong with dogs in general, but her Squig wasn’t one. 

“Hey, the name isn’t that bad.” Risa looked over at Trish, who still sat in front of her. She reached out and placed her hand on Risa’s belly again, rubbing back and forth slowly. Risa was offended for a split second (Trish hadn’t asked to touch her again) but the movement felt comforting, and so all she did was place one of her hands over Trish’s.

“I mean, it’s not something I would have chosen, but if that’s what you want, don’t let Greg convince you otherwise.”

“I know,” Risa answered, rubbing the corner of one of her eyes. “It’s just hormones.”

“Why ‘Cocoa’, if you don’t mind my asking?” 

Risa smiled, looking down at her belly. The Squig shifted again, as if encouraging her, so she opened her mouth to explain.

******

The Squig continued to grow, stretching out its limbs and refining its organ systems. Technically, its body was fully formed, but it could not survive without its host as yet. Its organs, though complete, were not functional and needed time to mature. Its body frame was still not strong enough to support its own weight. It needed time to bulk up and strengthen.

Its nervous system was starting to experience and process sensory data from outside of the womb. It knew the sound of its host’s voice and was starting to recognize individual sounds. It flexed its mouth, trying to imitate what it could hear, but its vocal cords were not strong enough yet. 

That didn’t mean that its host didn’t know when it was trying to communicate. It soon learned that different movements would cause the host to make different sounds in response and that certain sounds also were meant to invoke different responses from the Squig itself. It knew how to convey the meaning of “yes” and “no”, and slightly more complex ideas like “hungry”.

It was also learning the meaning of emotion. It was beginning to understand the differences between things like “happy” and “sad”. The Squig preferred the feeling of happy. It preferred it when its host was feeling happy too. 

Happy was good.

*****

“What?” Megan asked, trying not to laugh.

“Nothing. I’m just feeling happy, that’s all,” Risa said, picking up a pink top. 

Megan had to admit that “happy” was exactly how Risa looked. She was positively glowing and it wasn’t just from her pregnancy. Risa looked content and blissful.

A small wave of jealousy washed through her, but she pushed it down. It wasn’t Risa’s fault.

“Happy to be clothes shopping?” she teased instead. “Can’t wait to get into clothes that fit?”

Risa beamed at her, her blue eyes shining. Since she had finally confessed her pregnancy to her friends, it seemed that her body had decided blossom, as if it had been holding its growth back to hide itself. She looked as if she was about six months along, but Megan knew there was no way she had been pregnant for six months yet. And Risa kept insisting that she was supposed to be even bigger!

Megan tried not to stare at the swell of Risa’s stomach. The thin hoodie and the shirt beneath stood no chance against firm dome and almost nothing was left up to the imagination. That was why they were here; Risa wanted something a little bit more discreet and with plenty of room to allow her to grow.

It was hard. Megan could have almost sworn she saw the Squig inside of Risa move, even from a few feet away. Her belly seemed to jiggle and then contort slightly before settling back into its normal shape. 

“Not pink then,” Risa said softly, putting the shirt back and placing a hand right beside her belly button. It poked out a tiny bump of its own in her hoodie, not to be outdone by the huge swollen expanse it resided upon. It was just another reason they were shopping for clothes; it was just too visible for a relatively modest girl like Risa. Pregnancy was agreeing with her, obviously, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to keep it relatively private.

Especially since the baby was not human. And from her conversations with her friend, Megan knew that it was only going to become more obvious as the Squig within Risa grew bigger and stronger. She had done some research on their species herself, and Megan had seen videos of full term Squig bellies. The movements were massive and impossible to hide. 

For now though, Risa was at a smaller, more convenient stage. Megan secretly eyed her as she picked up another shirt, this time in a brown color. She wanted badly to study Risa’s belly up close, to see the movements for herself, but it would not have been at all proper.

Most of all though, she wished she could feel them from the inside.

She squashed down those feelings for the thousandth time. It wasn’t Risa’s fault.

It was a terrible feeling, her jealousy. And it was difficult to keep an open mind about it. Risa had something Megan wanted, so very badly, and she didn’t know it. Megan had never told her.

“Are you okay?” 

She hadn’t realized that she had been blatantly staring until Risa put her hands on Megan’s upper arms. She was so close that their bellies were almost touching…

“I’ll never have kids,” Megan said softly to herself. Or at least she meant to say it to herself.

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true,” Risa answered. “You guys have plenty of time.”

“No, I mean. I can’t have kids.”

They both stood there in stunned silence for a moment.

“Are you sure?”

Megan only nodded and tentatively placed her hands on Risa’s belly. She knew that Risa hated being touched without asking, but she needed to feel it, what she wanted so much and couldn’t have.

“Is it you or him?” Risa asked, not moving away. 

“Both,” Megan answered, choking on the word. “We’ve tried in-vitro but—“ she couldn't continue speaking as a sob made its way out of her throat.

“Don’t cry! Please don’t! If you do, I will, and we’re in the store!” Risa said, her voice sounding wet. Her body was heaving, drawing in deep breaths and when Megan looked up she saw tears streaming down her friend’s face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell you like this,” Megan said, pulling away and wiping her eyes. She was so sad and there was nothing either one of them could do about it.

“There’s always adoption,” Risa offered. “Or surrogate?”

Megan shook her head. She didn’t have the heart to tell Risa that she and Alec had been planning to ask her to be their surrogate. Now, with this Squig pregnancy, she wasn’t even sure that it was an option anymore.

Adoption was still on the table, but the whole thing was still very raw for both of them. They weren’t ready for the hoops of the process just yet.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” Risa said, her voice sad. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s not your fault,” Megan said, suddenly wanting to laugh. She had been saying it to herself ever since she found out about Risa’s pregnancy. She felt both relieved and heartbroken to have said it out loud now.

“Come on, let’s find you something to wear,” she said instead, wiping her face one last time.

“But…” Risa trailed off, looking around them. She wasn’t a fool. Megan knew that she was perceptive enough to fill in all the blank spaces of their short conversation. Right now, she was looking around at all of the maternity clothes and baby items that surrounded them and she was getting ready to adjust her needs for that of her friend’s.

Megan wasn’t going to let that happen. She wasn’t jealous enough to ruin their friendship or force Risa to compromise.

“As of right now, I’m living vicariously through you. Even if it is just a Squig and not a real baby. I mean, it’s real, it’s just not—“ Megan let out a deep breath to force herself to stop babbling. “Come on. You need clothes and I need time with my best girl. Unless you want to walk around in Spandex forever.”

Risa still look dubious and concerned, but she allowed herself to be led away to another rack. And she let Megan dress her up like a doll during their time in the store and pay for their meal when they went out to eat without too much protest. Megan knew that neither one of them had forgotten her confession, but in the end, they had a nice day.

In the end, Megan felt happier than she had in a long time.

*****

“Man, I hope that I don’t get that big...” Risa said softly. She was on her Squig support website, looking at pictures of full term bellies. Some of them were massive. There was a woman named Hazel who looked absolutely gigantic, like she was pregnant with four or five human babies, and this was a normal, everyday size for her.

To be honest, it made Risa nervous. Growing increasingly larger over time was not as bad as she thought, but growing that large?

Risa looked down at herself. There was no mistaking that she was pregnant now, no matter what she was wearing. Even the baby doll tops she and Megan picked out on their shopping trip a few weeks ago were unable to completely hide the fact that she was growing another body inside her own.

Her Squig companion shifted its limbs within her, as if it could sense her apprehension. Her belly visibly changed shape as it did, growing lumpy for a moment before settling back down to smooth and round. 

She let out a sound that was half sigh and half moan. Lately, the movements had begun to feel… good. Especially when they were stronger than normal. She couldn’t pinpoint when, but recently she’d begun to flush every time it happened when she was alone.

Risa took a bite of her chocolate bar, this one gourmet dark and lemon peel, and chewed it thoughtfully, running her free hand over her belly. She placed the rest of it on the top of the swell, watching it wobble as the Squig continued to wriggle within. Seeing it happen was different than feeling it. It was like an iceberg; there was way more going on beneath the surface that she couldn’t see but that she could feel. So many squirms and quivers. 

She sat, mesmerized by her own body until a weird feeling made its way up her spine. Risa snatched the chocolate bar off her belly a split second before the Squig inside her tensed and rolled.

To say her belly contorted was a gross understatement. Everything within her shifted tremendously, the movements terribly lopsided and clumsy. It didn’t exactly hurt, but the force and the pressure made her give a little squeak. Beneath her skin, the tentacles of the Squig shifted restlessly before finally settling back into a comfortable place. There was no wriggling now, but there was a distinct jiggling feeling, like her belly was full of Jell-O.

“Are you…” she hesitated, staring down at herself, “… giggling?”

The jiggling continued and Risa couldn’t help but smile. Squigs were intelligent creatures, and her Cocoa already had a sense of humor.

“I know you like chocolate, love, but I need something real to eat. How about some pasta?” Risa asked, slowly hauling herself out of her chair. Inside of her, Cocoa wriggled in a distinctive way she knew meant “yes”. Risa smiled again and slowly made her way into the kitchen.

*****

The Squig was far enough into its development that its cognitive skills were fairly sophisticated. It knew that the sound “Cocoa” was what its host used when referring to itself. Gradually, it was absorbing relatively simple but increasingly complex ideas from the thoughts of its host. It was beginning to understand what the idea of a “name” was. And it was beginning to understand that its host was called “Risa”.

The fact that it was learning directly from the thoughts of its host was a sign that their bond would probably be permanent once Cocoa was born. The innate instincts of the Squig recognized this and its umbilical tentacle began to further deepen their connection. Soon, not only would Cocoa be able to share thoughts with Risa, but be able to reconnect their minds even after it was born.

The process of sharing thoughts had already begun. The Squig was often successfully able to convey feelings and ideas of its own through their connection without resorting to physical cues. They were simple things, mostly emotional based, like hunger or fatigue. Occasionally, a slightly more complex idea like “I’m going to move my whole body into a better position” would get through, but for now, it was mostly the Squig’s emotions that Risa would feel, if she picked up on it at all.

The cognitive changes to the host weren’t the only things triggered to the instinctual response to their deepening bond. The hormonal cocktails given off by the Squig were also setting off changes to the host’s lower body. A small amount of specialized proteins and even a minor amount of gene therapy were underway, designed to turn the host into a permanent home for Cocoa. Her skin was becoming slightly more elastic to allow for chronic stretching. The muscles and connective tissue surrounding her uterus were also being modified to allow for faster, smoother, and less painful uterine contractions and cervical opening. Squigs did not often live full time within their host, but most did like to spend time inside the womb that bore them from time to time, so these physical changes were essential to the host’s wellbeing as well as its own.

The Squig itself was almost completely formed. All that was left now was weight gain and cognitive development on its part, and the completion of the modifications to its hosts. Once they were done, it would be free to begin its adult life outside of the womb.