Risa was stuck in a conundrum. She was pregnant and the baby wasn’t human.
She turned sideways and looked at her figure in the mirror. She was still her slim, redheaded self for the most part, except for the tiniest of bulges in her lower abdomen. With her clothes on, no one but Risa knew anything was amiss, and she was glad for it. She needed time to think and plan, and she needed to do it before people started asking questions.
Although she had briefly considered seeing if there was some way she could get out of this, the biologist in her had very quickly quashed any thoughts of killing the larval Squig residing in her uterus. If it had been detrimental to her, it would have been another story, but nothing in the research she had done so far had mentioned anything about Squig pregnancies being dangerous. In fact, they had a reputation for having an abnormally high success rate, and those that weren’t usually resulted in the death of the Squig itself, not the host. Squigs could even cause successful pregnancies in hosts who had trouble conceiving or who had suffered multiple miscarriages. It seemed that as long as the host was willing to carry it, the Squig would make it happen.
Since she’d confirmed via pregnancy test that she was indeed a host, Risa had done some further digging and eventually stumbled across a few support websites. Squigs were considered extremely rare and their dispersal was so wide that some hosts lived hundreds of miles away from any others, so a small online community had been started for hosts who were isolated and had no one to talk to. One of the forums had been started by a practicing doctor, one of the few qualified enough to be considered an expert in Squig pregnancies. Her website not only supplied a support forum for Squig hosts, but also information on doctors all over the country who had experience treating Squig pregnancies. Just finding the website made Risa feel almost one hundred percent better. It meant that if she needed help, she had multiple options.
When she wasn’t working, she spent a lot of time on the website. First time hosts like herself were always welcomed and there were plenty of veteran hosts to explain the ropes and answer any questions she may have had. She learned more about what she could expect from them than in any of the case studies she had been able to find through her university’s data bases.
So far, no one had anything negative to say about Squigs except for the usual pregnancy complaints; aching hips, aching breasts, heavy belly, ect. Risa ended up emailing the doctor for some advice and information on unsuccessful Squig pregnancies. Once the doctor had found out she was a biology student, she sent Risa links to specific databases with case studies.
Even that research didn’t make Risa any more nervous than she actually was. Many of the case studies that resulted in rejected pregnancies were because of birth defects in the host or accidental death due to outside forces. There were no cases of Squig pregnancies being purposefully aborted. They seemed to have a knack for finding hosts that were willing to carry them to term.
Risa was not an exception to this. Although she was miffed that her life had been turned on its head, she couldn’t really fault the Squig. It had been so weak when she’d found it that it probably hadn’t had another choice. She’d brought it into her home willingly. It had probably seen that as a gesture of willingness to be a host too.
The scientist in her was fascinated and eager to see the whole thing through. So was Doctor Andrews, who had started the Squig support forum. Risa lived further north than any other documented Squig hosts, and it was going to make an interesting case study, especially once the Squig was born.
“Do you mind being a case study?” Risa asked, placing both her palms on her abdomen and spreading both sets of fingers around her belly button. Her belly was firm and she could just feel the outline of the full womb beneath her skin. It was almost like someone had inserted a ball inside and filled it up with too much air or water.
The Squig didn’t answer, but then, Risa hadn’t really expected one. It was too early to feel any sort of movement and Squigs couldn’t talk anyway.
“Stay warm, little guy. I’m not exactly happy you are in there, but you won’t have to worry about anything but growing for a while,” she told it, pulling her shirt down.
*****
Inside of the host called Risa, the Squig was no longer being completely squished by its home. The sac it had formed was now full of fluid, giving the Squig some wiggle room. It would run out again eventually, but for now it would enjoy some space.
The buds on the Squig’s sides had elongated, forming tiny little tendrils that would eventually become appendages like the one that connected it to its host. Half a dozen of them already waved gently in the amniotic fluid, but more buds had formed, ready to join the first. Its main body was also compacting, on its way to assuming the shape of an adult Squig’s.
Inside of it, the rudimentary systems of the Squig were slowly dividing and becoming more complex. A cavity and neurological cells were being allocated for its brain, something it did not possess in the larval stage. The beginnings of a mouth and eyes were taking shape, and a more sophisticated sensory system was being formed.
Now that it had a host and nutrients were abundant, the Squig’s body also began to manufacture pigments again, which it had abandoned during its period of starvation. The energy had been repurposed to finding a host, but now its new features began to take on the colors and hues that it should have been all along.
The Squig basked in the bounty supplied to it by its host and continued on its development.
*****
Risa stood in the candy aisle for a moment, eying all of the chocolate presented before her. This was new territory for her, and she wasn’t sure where she should start.
She sent weekly reports about her weight and diet to Dr. Andrews, who advised her to add about a hundred more calories to her daily intake; she hadn’t been gaining enough weight for a girl her size and age and type of pregnancy. All the things she planned to add were healthy, of course, but she needed to start right away. Luckily, her grocery store had a delivery service, so adding anything extra to her normal shopping was no problem without a car.
However, Risa still found herself in the pharmacy down the street from her apartment, looking up and down the candy aisle. She wasn’t normally a girl who even liked sweets and hadn’t had a candy bar since high school, but she’d been thinking about chocolate for almost three days now. The temptation and urge was too great for her to ignore.
She stood there, staring at the choices. One of her hands rested on the top swell of her belly, right where the womb beneath poked out of her abdominal cavity. The other was buried in her curly red hair in frustration. There were so many choices! And she hadn’t had chocolate in so long, she wasn’t sure she remembered how it tasted. It wasn’t that Risa was a health food nut, but she remembered distinctly not liking chocolate anything, especially candy bars with caramel in them.
But the thought of eating one now made her mouth water, and she couldn’t get the feeling out of her head. Still, how did she know which ones were worth the money?
A strange feeling emanated from within her then. It was just like everyone said it would be; a butterfly, fluttery feeling from deep within her womb. The Squig inside her moved again, so faint that if she had been walking or moving at all, she probably would have missed it.
Risa resisted the urge to pull up her shirt and just stare. This was her first time feeling anything but fatter since her belly had started growing, and it was proof that she indeed was pregnant. Pregnancy tests could give false positives and she hadn’t exactly been to see a doctor to get an ultrasound. There weren’t any in the area that she could see within a day, not without a car anyway, and she didn’t really have the money or the time to spend on travelling to see one. Until now, it had almost seemed unreal, what was happening in her body.
It was a milestone that everyone she had talked to so far had told her was one of the greatest moments she’d experience in her pregnancy and she couldn’t say it wasn’t. For the first time, she felt incredibly maternal and slightly protective of the growing life inside her, even if it had technically forced its way in there.
But she was in a public place, so Risa settled for moving her hand closer to where she had felt the movement and turned back to the candy in front of her. She still wanted something.
In the end, she settled for two plain Hershey bars; one milk chocolate, one dark. She wasn’t sure she wanted anything with nuts in it and she was almost positive that she still wanted to stay away from caramel. Hopefully these weren’t going to be a waste of money.
*****
“Chocolate milk? Really?” Megan asked. Her husband, Alec, looked expectantly at Risa with one eyebrow raised.
“What?” Risa asked setting down her jug. The thick taste of the milk sat on her tongue unpleasantly. The truth was, Risa hated milk and always had since she could remember, but it was good for her pregnancy. At least the chocolate helped it go down easier.
She and her two best friends sat on the edge of a fountain near her apartment building. Her town wasn’t big, but it featured a few parks and this one was the best. They often met here for lunch when they had days off and today was one of those days.
Megan and Alec were high school sweet hearts and Risa’s best and oldest friends. She had met Megan in kindergarten, Alec in middle school, and they had been inseperable ever since. She hadn’t gone through a single milestone without at least one of them and she didn’t want to be alone now. Still, she was nervous about telling them. She hadn’t told anyone, not even her own parents, that she was pregnant. If the baby had been human, it wouldn’t have been so bad, but since it wasn’t…
“You hate milk,” Alec said.
“And chocolate. I mean, I always thought you were kinda crazy for hating chocolate, but you avoid it like the plague. And now you’re drinking chocolate milk!” Megan turned slightly to exchange a slightly worried look with her husband.
Although Risa hadn’t exactly expected this kind of introduction to the topic, she was also somewhat grateful that she didn’t have to bring it up out of the blue. All her carefully made plans were thrown out the window now, but the abruptness she had anticipated was gone.
“Well, I actually kinda have to.”
“You have to drink chocolate milk?”
“Yes. No! I have to drink milk. The chocolate makes it go down easier.”
Now the worried look on their faces deepened. “Is there something wrong?” Alec asked slowly.
“I don’t have cancer or anything,” Risa assured them. “I’m pregnant.”
They both looked flabbergasted for a split second then turned their eyes down toward her middle. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh or smack them or both. Instead, she settled for blushing and taking another sip of the god awful milk.
It would have been hilarious if she hadn’t been so nervous. It was always a joke between the three of them that Alec and Megan had very similar coloring. Both of them were black haired with pale eyes, but now they had nearly identical concerned and slightly horrified looks on their faces.
She let them scrutinize her. Winter had given way to spring, but the air was still chilly, only just pleasant enough to eat outside, so they were all bundled up in warm coats. Still, her belly had only grown bigger and it was more obvious in the position she was sitting. They had probably thought she was just gaining weight and hadn’t said anything before in respect for her privacy.
But she knew what they were going through. Once you saw the bulge as pregnancy and not fat, it was really hard to get it out of your head. Pregnancy and belly fat were usually distinctly different (not always but usually), and they must have been kicking themselves for not putting the two and two together.
“But how?” Megan asked, finally looking back up. Alec was still staring, obviously having trouble processing. “Do you have a secret boyfriend that we don’t know about?”
“No, it’s not like that,” Risa started to say.
“You don’t sleep around and you don’t drink or party. Sperm clinic? Why would you do that? I mean, are you ready for a baby? You never mentioned anything. Oh god, you weren’t raped, were you?”
“Honey, let Ris talk,” Alec said quietly, finally looking away from Risa.
Suddenly, she felt vulnerable and exposed. There weren’t too many people walking around in the park, but she could hear kids playing on the nearby playground and the cars passing by on the street. Too many people. She didn’t want everyone in their town to know…
“Can we not do this here? I don’t want to do this here,” Risa said, standing up.
“Ris—“
“I thought it was alright if everything was normal but everything is not normal and I can’t— Can we just got back to my place? I’ll explain everything; I just don’t want to do it in public.”
“Sure,” Alec told her and stood, pulling Megan up with him.
“But—“
“Don’t,” Alec warned gently, threading his fingers in his wife’s. “We can talk about it wherever she wants to.”
The walk wasn’t long but it felt like an eternity. All three of them were silent the whole way and concentrated on walking, except for Risa, who also concentrated on getting down all the milk in her jug. Her stomach churned, all nerves now, and she resisted the urge to be sick.
Below her stomach, the Squig gestating in her womb wriggled. Its movements were no less gentle than the first time she had felt them, but they came more frequently now and she was becoming more and more aware of them.
She brought a hand up to her belly and finished the jug in a long gulp. She hated every drop of it, but the milk wasn’t for her.
By the time they got back to the apartment, Risa was so nervous, she couldn’t open her own door. Alec took the keys from her without asking and let them all in. She was glad that he was so calm. Alec always took everything in steady manner and rarely ever panicked. Even on his wedding day, Risa had never seen him look nervous or anxious. It was probably the reason his relationship with Megan worked so well. She had a tendency to worry, and he kept her from going overboard.
Once they were all inside, Risa shed her coat like it was on fire. It would definitely leave her exposed, but she wanted it off. The extra layer felt bulky and clingy.
When it was off, she felt slightly better. She brought a hand up to her belly again and rubbed all over the swell, trying to calm her nerves. Without the coat, her belly was obvious and looked relatively huge. She was bigger than she thought she should be for eighteen weeks, but all of the other Squig hosts she talked to said that Squig pregnancies tended to be bigger than human ones. A lot bigger. Even Dr. Andrews had mentioned it and suggested that Risa was actually smaller than she should be at this point.
She turned around and caught her friends staring at her abdomen again, and she wrapped her arms around her middle in response, shielding her belly and the developing Squig inside from view.
“The baby isn’t human,” she blurted. Risa let out long breath and sat on one of the arms of her couch.
“Are you okay?” Alec said, stepping forward and reaching for her.
“I’m fine. It’s just the first time I’ve said that out loud.” She waved a hand at him, then went back to hugging her belly.
“Not human?” Megan squeaked.
“It was an accident. Well, not an accident. But I didn’t ask for it, and it’s in there now, and I’m sort of stuck with it. My doctor said I should start drinking milk because it would be good for it, and I started having weird cravings for chocolate—“ she heard herself babbling but she couldn’t stop. “So now I have it the house but I still hate caramel.”
“Ris, you aren’t making sense,” Alec said gently.
“It’s a Squig,” Risa said quietly, almost hoping that neither one of them had heard.
“Oh.”
“What?” Both women looked at Alec in shock. He stood there with his arms folded over his chest, nodding as if he understood everything.
“What the hell is a Squig?”
You know what a Squig is?”
“Yes. When did you become a host?”
Risa didn’t answer. Instead, she burst into tears. She had been keeping this all to herself for the twelve weeks or so since her conversation with Trish. Her parents had moved to another state because of work years ago and she wasn’t particularly close with anyone in her research project, even Trish, so she’d been stuck essentially all alone with no one tangible to talk to. The online support group didn’t count; they were faceless words on a computer and maybe a frozen picture or two.
She’d been so afraid of telling her best friends and now she found out that one of them had already heard of Squigs.
“Honey, it’s okay,” she heard Alec say, but she wasn’t sure who he was talking to. Risa continued to cry, unable to keep her feelings hidden anymore and it only got worse when she felt Megan wrap her arms around her neck and pull their bodies close. So much time wasted. She could have told them weeks ago and not have to have gone through this whole weird thing by herself.
Risa cried until she felt worn out and then began to tell them everything that had happened. It seemed so easy now and she was so grateful that she had such understanding friends. She’d had nightmares about them walking out on her forever without giving her a chance to explain, but here they were, in her apartment and listening to every word that she said. Megan even had one of her hands on Risa’s belly, rubbing gently back and forth to comfort her.
It was working. Beneath Megan’s hand, the Squig was moving every once and awhile, alive and well. The wriggles were too weak for anyone but Risa to feel, but it was enough to let her know that nothing was wrong. Between the two of them, her oldest friend and her new companion, Risa felt reassured.
She kept nothing back and even pulled up the support website and Squig pictures for Megan. Risa didn’t get a chance to ask Alec how he knew about them but it didn’t matter. The point was that she wasn’t alone and she wasn’t going to be. They both listened and asked intelligent questions. She answered what she could. Everything was going to be fine.
*****
The Squig inside of Risa tested its new appendages again, feeling around the confines of its home. All nine of them were almost the exact length they would be when it was born, but they still had a lot of developing to do. They weren’t nearly large enough around to be of any use except here with the fluid to support them, and at least four of them were destined to be specialized for different uses. Right now, the only thing they were good for was twisting around to make tiny bubbles.
Its main body was fully compacted now into its adult shape and its eyes were also completely formed, except for the lids. They technically couldn’t see anything yet, but the foundation and the structure were there, waiting to be utilized. Its mouth had not opened either, still waiting for the inner digestive tract to finish.
Even deeper, the neurological tissues of the Squig continued to become more specialized and sophisticated. Its connection to the host deepened. Soon, the connection would be so deep that their nervous systems would be fully intuned and develop the ability to share sensory data. That was partially up to the host, of course. The willingness to be a gestational host was one thing, but the ability required that the host be willing to become a permanent symbiotic partner. The host had to want to keep the Squig once it was born.
There was time for that though. It would receive the information from its host in time. For now, it concentrated on its development. It still had a long way to go.
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